Sad today

Well, I'm home now.

I miss my sweetie so much.

It's funny I would have thought after being there for the third time, it would get easier but it hasn't.

The strange thing is my period is 10 days late. I decided after some prodding from burpy to get a pregnancy test. I was a chicken I made her time the 3 minutes lol, then showed her in the web cam. You know you have a good friend when....

The funny thing is I didn't feel pregnant and didn't think I was pregnant, but, I am still feeling so sad. I guess one part of me wished that I was. I know the timing would suck as I'm still here and not done school yet. And, by no means is my relationship completely settled with dr, commitment wise that is. I guess it doesn't stop the heart from wanting what it wants. It has made me sad and melancholy thinking about the fact I'm 36, and the chances of conceiving grow slimmer and slimmer. Plus, I look at having a baby as a confirmation of the love between two people. Which I guess is a good thing, seeing as how dr isn't positive what the future holds for he and I.

I feel so broody lol.

I guess part of it is, thinking about the future and a master plan so to speak. If I want to have more children, and things for whatever reason don't continue with dr, the likelihood is slim that it will happen. One can only go with the biological clock. Not that for any moment that makes me want him anymore than I do.

Stupid weather isn't helping.

Hmmm, so if I were to make a master plan with my own thoughts and taking no one else into that plan, I would get married within the next year to dr. and plan on a baby for either December of 2008 or April/May 2009.

Or, if he did want to wait until I graduate then get married in June 2009, and plan for a little one within the next 2 years or so after that. I'd be only 40 then.

It seems silly to be thinking about a plan like that. I never have. Generally when I think of a life plan I think of work, or where I want to live.

I know I want to be a nurse, and I know I want to move to the South West U.S. If Florida doesn't work out, I've thought about either Atlanta, or Charleston.

All right enough moping for today. This dumb bleeping cold has worn me out. Aww, thinking of my cold makes me think of peanut, since that is likely where we got it from. She's such a sweetie, I miss her and the little man as well as my dr.

I've debated publishing this post or not, it's part of me and how I'm feeling so I will. Although I realize it's private, it's my thoughts.