All right, all right you snot heads.
I got the hint and the point and I know y'all are right.
So, here is my new life plan.
OK...I graduate school in April of 2009.
I write my Canadian and American RN exams.
I move to the East coast of the US...so far I'm looking at FL, GA, SC, MD, and VA.
I have heard it takes approximately 7 years to save to buy a house...so I"m hoping to save and buy a house of my own by 2016.
And during that time, enjoy doing things I like, hopefully making friends along the way.
Perhaps do some travelling, perhaps get into more antiques, learn some new skills, like enriching my piano playing or learning to play the harp. Perfecting more needle crafts etc. Renew my french knowledge. Plan a kick ass trip across Europe. Attend concerts. Go to museums....Enjoy myself.
And, time will tell what else happens...
OK, better for y'all?
I AM IN CHARGE OF MY OWN DESTINY!!!
I think that should be my new motto...whadda ya think?
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Sigh
I guess I learned a lesson about making a life plan.
When you make one, you should only depend upon yourself.
So, here goes with my new plan.
I graduate school in April 2009. Get a job in either Charleston, Atlanta, or even perhaps Virginia or Maryland.
Hopefully meet someone within a year so 2010, get married two years after that, 2012, and if we agree on a baby, then by 2014 hopefully, we would be blessed. You know what? If I didn't meet anyone, such is life, and I would make friends and do things and fill my time. No point in moping about something you can't do anything about. I still haven't decided definitively if I want another child. So, I put it in my plan right now, and we'll see what happens...I guess better to plan on it, than to not and have it put your plans into a tizzy.
I'm sad today.
I have made a few mistakes lately. I knew I shouldn't have left anything in Florida, and I was proven right. Such is life.
You know what they say, if it is to be, it is up to me. And, it most certainly is.
In retrospect, I am glad that there is something going on gynecological and not obstetrical.
I can't remember the last time I felt so alone. Sometimes I feel so foolish, I'm sitting here writing this with tears streaming down my face.
I'm going to go get ready to leave I guess. I'm going into Toronto today to see Casa Loma. Tomorrow, I have a therapist appointment, and I"m meeting someone for coffee.
Saturday I work.
Sunday I work.
Monday I have nothing planned.
Tuesday, I have an exam.
And that takes us to Wednesday again already...time flies weather you're having fun or not.
When you make one, you should only depend upon yourself.
So, here goes with my new plan.
I graduate school in April 2009. Get a job in either Charleston, Atlanta, or even perhaps Virginia or Maryland.
Hopefully meet someone within a year so 2010, get married two years after that, 2012, and if we agree on a baby, then by 2014 hopefully, we would be blessed. You know what? If I didn't meet anyone, such is life, and I would make friends and do things and fill my time. No point in moping about something you can't do anything about. I still haven't decided definitively if I want another child. So, I put it in my plan right now, and we'll see what happens...I guess better to plan on it, than to not and have it put your plans into a tizzy.
I'm sad today.
I have made a few mistakes lately. I knew I shouldn't have left anything in Florida, and I was proven right. Such is life.
You know what they say, if it is to be, it is up to me. And, it most certainly is.
In retrospect, I am glad that there is something going on gynecological and not obstetrical.
I can't remember the last time I felt so alone. Sometimes I feel so foolish, I'm sitting here writing this with tears streaming down my face.
I'm going to go get ready to leave I guess. I'm going into Toronto today to see Casa Loma. Tomorrow, I have a therapist appointment, and I"m meeting someone for coffee.
Saturday I work.
Sunday I work.
Monday I have nothing planned.
Tuesday, I have an exam.
And that takes us to Wednesday again already...time flies weather you're having fun or not.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
The Mighty Threes
The Mighty Threes
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME: Suspenseful movies(I love them, but they scare the crap out of me), not being able to take care of myself for whatever reason, and being rejected.
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH: Dr, Burpy and Beth Chapman's boobs(Dog's wife).
THREE THINGS I LOVE: My children, dr, peanut, and little man, and nature.
THREE THINGS I HATE: Hate is a strong word....I dislike people who are braggarts, and those who have to put others down to make themselves happy, also violence to children and/or animals.
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND: Why I can't change the fact I procrastinate when I know most of the reasons why I do it, how people can be so careless with the life of their child(read a news story today of a woman who left her 22 month old baby and 10 month old twins in the tub alone, twins drowned, great surprise, not!), and why life seems to throw stink bomb after stink bomb at some people, and others seem to be blessed.
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK: Considering my computer desk is an armoire still in pieces in the hallway....well my monitor is on a side table and let's see what's on it, lol a pregnancy test, some werthers caramels, and my vibrator :P a girl can hope for some action yanno.
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW: Adding to my blog, watching Idol, and chatting to Burpy.
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE: Well, I'd like to marry my best friend, I would like to have another child, and I would love to travel, I think Italy is the top of my list currently.
THREE THINGS I CAN DO: Bake, pretty much anything, I can't promise the first try will turn out, organize and clean and help anyone else but me, I can listen and give feedback objectively and help someone realize things they knew the answer to already...not that everyone likes when I do that...lol.
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO: Hate people, generally I just feel sorry for them, I was going to say put air in my car tires, but yaaay, I did it today, I can't manage money very well, and I find it hard, very hard, to say No.
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO: The sound of rain, while in bed with your sweetie, the sound of waves on the shore, and the sounds of your children.
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD NEVER LISTEN TO: My ex-husband, ex-boyfriends and my Mother lol.
THREE THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO LEARN: To play a harp, how to clean tile grout dang it, and how to get myself to NOT procrastinate.
THREE FAVORITE FOODS: My grandma's spare ribs, Confetti birthday cake(someone else has to make it though, doesn't' count when I do it myself), and corn casserole(grandma's recipe of course).
THREE T.V. SHOWS I WATCHED AS A KID: Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, and Happy Days (did I mention I had a Fonzie poster in my bedroom and used to kiss him every night?)....oh oh, I just remembered. my favorite...The Muppet's...ya gotta love Fozzy...Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer was standing behind it with a pitch fork......wacka wacka wacka
THREE PEOPLE I TAG: you, you, and you.....come on Darrrrlin, you know we want to know....:P
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME: Suspenseful movies(I love them, but they scare the crap out of me), not being able to take care of myself for whatever reason, and being rejected.
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH: Dr, Burpy and Beth Chapman's boobs(Dog's wife).
THREE THINGS I LOVE: My children, dr, peanut, and little man, and nature.
THREE THINGS I HATE: Hate is a strong word....I dislike people who are braggarts, and those who have to put others down to make themselves happy, also violence to children and/or animals.
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND: Why I can't change the fact I procrastinate when I know most of the reasons why I do it, how people can be so careless with the life of their child(read a news story today of a woman who left her 22 month old baby and 10 month old twins in the tub alone, twins drowned, great surprise, not!), and why life seems to throw stink bomb after stink bomb at some people, and others seem to be blessed.
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK: Considering my computer desk is an armoire still in pieces in the hallway....well my monitor is on a side table and let's see what's on it, lol a pregnancy test, some werthers caramels, and my vibrator :P a girl can hope for some action yanno.
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW: Adding to my blog, watching Idol, and chatting to Burpy.
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE: Well, I'd like to marry my best friend, I would like to have another child, and I would love to travel, I think Italy is the top of my list currently.
THREE THINGS I CAN DO: Bake, pretty much anything, I can't promise the first try will turn out, organize and clean and help anyone else but me, I can listen and give feedback objectively and help someone realize things they knew the answer to already...not that everyone likes when I do that...lol.
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO: Hate people, generally I just feel sorry for them, I was going to say put air in my car tires, but yaaay, I did it today, I can't manage money very well, and I find it hard, very hard, to say No.
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO: The sound of rain, while in bed with your sweetie, the sound of waves on the shore, and the sounds of your children.
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD NEVER LISTEN TO: My ex-husband, ex-boyfriends and my Mother lol.
THREE THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO LEARN: To play a harp, how to clean tile grout dang it, and how to get myself to NOT procrastinate.
THREE FAVORITE FOODS: My grandma's spare ribs, Confetti birthday cake(someone else has to make it though, doesn't' count when I do it myself), and corn casserole(grandma's recipe of course).
THREE T.V. SHOWS I WATCHED AS A KID: Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, and Happy Days (did I mention I had a Fonzie poster in my bedroom and used to kiss him every night?)....oh oh, I just remembered. my favorite...The Muppet's...ya gotta love Fozzy...Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer was standing behind it with a pitch fork......wacka wacka wacka
THREE PEOPLE I TAG: you, you, and you.....come on Darrrrlin, you know we want to know....:P
Sad today
Well, I'm home now.
I miss my sweetie so much.
It's funny I would have thought after being there for the third time, it would get easier but it hasn't.
The strange thing is my period is 10 days late. I decided after some prodding from burpy to get a pregnancy test. I was a chicken I made her time the 3 minutes lol, then showed her in the web cam. You know you have a good friend when....
The funny thing is I didn't feel pregnant and didn't think I was pregnant, but, I am still feeling so sad. I guess one part of me wished that I was. I know the timing would suck as I'm still here and not done school yet. And, by no means is my relationship completely settled with dr, commitment wise that is. I guess it doesn't stop the heart from wanting what it wants. It has made me sad and melancholy thinking about the fact I'm 36, and the chances of conceiving grow slimmer and slimmer. Plus, I look at having a baby as a confirmation of the love between two people. Which I guess is a good thing, seeing as how dr isn't positive what the future holds for he and I.
I feel so broody lol.
I guess part of it is, thinking about the future and a master plan so to speak. If I want to have more children, and things for whatever reason don't continue with dr, the likelihood is slim that it will happen. One can only go with the biological clock. Not that for any moment that makes me want him anymore than I do.
Stupid weather isn't helping.
Hmmm, so if I were to make a master plan with my own thoughts and taking no one else into that plan, I would get married within the next year to dr. and plan on a baby for either December of 2008 or April/May 2009.
Or, if he did want to wait until I graduate then get married in June 2009, and plan for a little one within the next 2 years or so after that. I'd be only 40 then.
It seems silly to be thinking about a plan like that. I never have. Generally when I think of a life plan I think of work, or where I want to live.
I know I want to be a nurse, and I know I want to move to the South West U.S. If Florida doesn't work out, I've thought about either Atlanta, or Charleston.
All right enough moping for today. This dumb bleeping cold has worn me out. Aww, thinking of my cold makes me think of peanut, since that is likely where we got it from. She's such a sweetie, I miss her and the little man as well as my dr.
I've debated publishing this post or not, it's part of me and how I'm feeling so I will. Although I realize it's private, it's my thoughts.
I miss my sweetie so much.
It's funny I would have thought after being there for the third time, it would get easier but it hasn't.
The strange thing is my period is 10 days late. I decided after some prodding from burpy to get a pregnancy test. I was a chicken I made her time the 3 minutes lol, then showed her in the web cam. You know you have a good friend when....
The funny thing is I didn't feel pregnant and didn't think I was pregnant, but, I am still feeling so sad. I guess one part of me wished that I was. I know the timing would suck as I'm still here and not done school yet. And, by no means is my relationship completely settled with dr, commitment wise that is. I guess it doesn't stop the heart from wanting what it wants. It has made me sad and melancholy thinking about the fact I'm 36, and the chances of conceiving grow slimmer and slimmer. Plus, I look at having a baby as a confirmation of the love between two people. Which I guess is a good thing, seeing as how dr isn't positive what the future holds for he and I.
I feel so broody lol.
I guess part of it is, thinking about the future and a master plan so to speak. If I want to have more children, and things for whatever reason don't continue with dr, the likelihood is slim that it will happen. One can only go with the biological clock. Not that for any moment that makes me want him anymore than I do.
Stupid weather isn't helping.
Hmmm, so if I were to make a master plan with my own thoughts and taking no one else into that plan, I would get married within the next year to dr. and plan on a baby for either December of 2008 or April/May 2009.
Or, if he did want to wait until I graduate then get married in June 2009, and plan for a little one within the next 2 years or so after that. I'd be only 40 then.
It seems silly to be thinking about a plan like that. I never have. Generally when I think of a life plan I think of work, or where I want to live.
I know I want to be a nurse, and I know I want to move to the South West U.S. If Florida doesn't work out, I've thought about either Atlanta, or Charleston.
All right enough moping for today. This dumb bleeping cold has worn me out. Aww, thinking of my cold makes me think of peanut, since that is likely where we got it from. She's such a sweetie, I miss her and the little man as well as my dr.
I've debated publishing this post or not, it's part of me and how I'm feeling so I will. Although I realize it's private, it's my thoughts.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Oh happy day, I'm in Florida.
Well this past week has certainly been interesting.
I worked a ton on the weekend...Sunday I did a double and they asked me to work a midnight shift on top of that...even i wasn't so stupid as to say yes.
My one psych prof sent an email Sunday saying that our exam that is April 24 had been moved to the next day(Monday), i freaked. I called the head of the Psych department on Monday asking how they can do that and forwarded him the email...Didn't I feel the dummy when he phones me back and says to scroll down...it said April Fool's. Not a funny joke to my mind.
I made it on the plane with Shadow yesterday without a hitch. No one asked me for any I.D. on her or her health status, which surprised me a little. We had a lot of turbulence on the flight...quite bad..of course the worst was when I was in the bathroom..trying to pull my pants up.
My dr came to pick me up at the airport, never have I seen such a happier site but to see him sitting there waiting for me. He was a sight for sore eyes. I didn't realize how much I had missed seeing him til I did again. I was good, lol, no crying. It's funny all the things you don't realize how much you're missing until you get them again. Like cuddling up at night, or waking up beside each other in the morning...just sitting next to each other on the love seat, or going out and doing something together. I think going home this time will be the worst so far, I can feel tears welling up all ready. It would make sense each time at least for me has gotten progressively harder.
Dr's little man phoned tonight to talk to his Dad, and then he talked with his peanut. She asked to talk to me, that put a huge grin on my face. Generally she has been quite shy, but she can be such a sweetie. Now the logical reason she wanted to speak with me was to make sure I remembered her birthday next week and have a gift for her, but I'd like to hope that somewhere in there she likes me too. Darned thing her bedroom is a mess, I pulled out all her clothes for us to go through so we can see what she needs for a birthday gift, the messy thing has 24 pairs of socks in 3 different drawers. Plus a box full of clothes which I dug out from under the bed and off the floor. I haven't' been brave enough to look in the little man's room. Last time I was here he had clean and dirty clothing all over the floor and bed, both his and peanuts.
Today dr and I went to the movies, our first together. I was lucky enough to be invited to tag along with him and friends to see "Blades of Glory." It was quite funny. Something else to add to my memories, I kept the movie stubs...lol just like our fortunes from my first visit...gosh I'm so sentimental sometimes.
Looks like tomorrow will be cleaning and shopping. We need Easter stuff for the kids, and peanut's birthday present.
Awww, my sweetie liked his very late Christmas, Birthday and early Easter gifts. I'm so glad. I feel just a little bit better about it. I felt so absolutely horrid that I couldn't get him what I wanted for the holidays.
Sometimes, I wonder about where we're going or what we're doing and I want to rush so badly. Luckily one of us has the sense not too. But, I haven't felt as happy in a long time as I do when I am here. I guess that is part of what makes it so hard going back. I can't even say home anymore it doesn't feel like home anymore.
Man, you know you are so happy when you're a pogo addict and you don't even go on. Last time I didn't go on at all. This time I may depending if I have time to get my badges. Lol, if you guys feel like doing them knock yourself out. I had planned on doing my last 2003 badge for my personal this week, but yanno...I could care less, I just want to be with my dr.
OK, enough gibber jabber as he says, well enough time away from him.
Love you guys...talk soon
An ecstatically happy Zippy.
I worked a ton on the weekend...Sunday I did a double and they asked me to work a midnight shift on top of that...even i wasn't so stupid as to say yes.
My one psych prof sent an email Sunday saying that our exam that is April 24 had been moved to the next day(Monday), i freaked. I called the head of the Psych department on Monday asking how they can do that and forwarded him the email...Didn't I feel the dummy when he phones me back and says to scroll down...it said April Fool's. Not a funny joke to my mind.
I made it on the plane with Shadow yesterday without a hitch. No one asked me for any I.D. on her or her health status, which surprised me a little. We had a lot of turbulence on the flight...quite bad..of course the worst was when I was in the bathroom..trying to pull my pants up.
My dr came to pick me up at the airport, never have I seen such a happier site but to see him sitting there waiting for me. He was a sight for sore eyes. I didn't realize how much I had missed seeing him til I did again. I was good, lol, no crying. It's funny all the things you don't realize how much you're missing until you get them again. Like cuddling up at night, or waking up beside each other in the morning...just sitting next to each other on the love seat, or going out and doing something together. I think going home this time will be the worst so far, I can feel tears welling up all ready. It would make sense each time at least for me has gotten progressively harder.
Dr's little man phoned tonight to talk to his Dad, and then he talked with his peanut. She asked to talk to me, that put a huge grin on my face. Generally she has been quite shy, but she can be such a sweetie. Now the logical reason she wanted to speak with me was to make sure I remembered her birthday next week and have a gift for her, but I'd like to hope that somewhere in there she likes me too. Darned thing her bedroom is a mess, I pulled out all her clothes for us to go through so we can see what she needs for a birthday gift, the messy thing has 24 pairs of socks in 3 different drawers. Plus a box full of clothes which I dug out from under the bed and off the floor. I haven't' been brave enough to look in the little man's room. Last time I was here he had clean and dirty clothing all over the floor and bed, both his and peanuts.
Today dr and I went to the movies, our first together. I was lucky enough to be invited to tag along with him and friends to see "Blades of Glory." It was quite funny. Something else to add to my memories, I kept the movie stubs...lol just like our fortunes from my first visit...gosh I'm so sentimental sometimes.
Looks like tomorrow will be cleaning and shopping. We need Easter stuff for the kids, and peanut's birthday present.
Awww, my sweetie liked his very late Christmas, Birthday and early Easter gifts. I'm so glad. I feel just a little bit better about it. I felt so absolutely horrid that I couldn't get him what I wanted for the holidays.
Sometimes, I wonder about where we're going or what we're doing and I want to rush so badly. Luckily one of us has the sense not too. But, I haven't felt as happy in a long time as I do when I am here. I guess that is part of what makes it so hard going back. I can't even say home anymore it doesn't feel like home anymore.
Man, you know you are so happy when you're a pogo addict and you don't even go on. Last time I didn't go on at all. This time I may depending if I have time to get my badges. Lol, if you guys feel like doing them knock yourself out. I had planned on doing my last 2003 badge for my personal this week, but yanno...I could care less, I just want to be with my dr.
OK, enough gibber jabber as he says, well enough time away from him.
Love you guys...talk soon
An ecstatically happy Zippy.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Today...March 26, 2007...Ugh
Well...after contemplating and hemming and hawing, and saying I was going to start journaling again. I decided I better get off my butt and do it.
I chose this site, because my two best friends/sisters have their blogs here, and figured here was as good as any.
Let's see where to start.
Who am I?
I'm Zippiestfriend...zippy to my friends online. I'm a good listener, pretty happy for the most part. A 36 year old student and I work part time. I have 3 kids that live elsewhere for various reasons, I'm sure I"ll get into at some point. I have a boyfriend that lives many miles away(Florida to be exact), whom I love dearly but who frustrates me to no end sometimes. I have family that is spread all across the US and Canada. I"m in a town I moved to for school, and feel very isolated. Health wise I"m heavier than I should be(aren't we all), I am prone to depression(fighting it row now on my own, but hard with paper/exam time coming up), I'm a cancer survivor twice now. Even my two bestest friends burpy and darrrlin live far away one only a few hours(we'll meet someday for Tim's tea) and burpy is in AZ(I'll be there one day too).
Well, why do I need the urge to blog?
I can get quite emotional at times, and having a journal of sorts to vent and then go back and read can be helpful. A way to come to concrete decisions, a way to not redo past mistakes. Also, my poor dr(my boyfriend) seems to bear the brunt of my emotionalism and though he doesn't complain he doesn't deserve to be dumped on. He's not perfect but no one deserves that. And even though at times I have dumped on my burpy and darrlin, I know they love me and want the best for me and don't take it personally. I really am lucky to have such awesome friends. I have not a doubt in my mind if I called and said I need to see ya, they'd say drive or hop a plane.
Today
Well there is nothing specific going on today. My dr has his kids for spring break so he's busy with them(as he should be), burpy is out and about now that her kiddo is back from his spring break, and darrlin is prolly getting ready for work. Me, I should be getting my ass in gear, but I"m not, I"m procrastinating. I have a paper due in one class that I have procrastinated over. Part of it is my fear of failure and the other is laziness I guess. So, any adult students out there feel free to give me a swift kick.
Ok, I"m off to procrastinate more...stupid cat dug in a plant and has dirt all over my beige carpet..guess I should clean that up too.
I chose this site, because my two best friends/sisters have their blogs here, and figured here was as good as any.
Let's see where to start.
Who am I?
I'm Zippiestfriend...zippy to my friends online. I'm a good listener, pretty happy for the most part. A 36 year old student and I work part time. I have 3 kids that live elsewhere for various reasons, I'm sure I"ll get into at some point. I have a boyfriend that lives many miles away(Florida to be exact), whom I love dearly but who frustrates me to no end sometimes. I have family that is spread all across the US and Canada. I"m in a town I moved to for school, and feel very isolated. Health wise I"m heavier than I should be(aren't we all), I am prone to depression(fighting it row now on my own, but hard with paper/exam time coming up), I'm a cancer survivor twice now. Even my two bestest friends burpy and darrrlin live far away one only a few hours(we'll meet someday for Tim's tea) and burpy is in AZ(I'll be there one day too).
Well, why do I need the urge to blog?
I can get quite emotional at times, and having a journal of sorts to vent and then go back and read can be helpful. A way to come to concrete decisions, a way to not redo past mistakes. Also, my poor dr(my boyfriend) seems to bear the brunt of my emotionalism and though he doesn't complain he doesn't deserve to be dumped on. He's not perfect but no one deserves that. And even though at times I have dumped on my burpy and darrlin, I know they love me and want the best for me and don't take it personally. I really am lucky to have such awesome friends. I have not a doubt in my mind if I called and said I need to see ya, they'd say drive or hop a plane.
Today
Well there is nothing specific going on today. My dr has his kids for spring break so he's busy with them(as he should be), burpy is out and about now that her kiddo is back from his spring break, and darrlin is prolly getting ready for work. Me, I should be getting my ass in gear, but I"m not, I"m procrastinating. I have a paper due in one class that I have procrastinated over. Part of it is my fear of failure and the other is laziness I guess. So, any adult students out there feel free to give me a swift kick.
Ok, I"m off to procrastinate more...stupid cat dug in a plant and has dirt all over my beige carpet..guess I should clean that up too.
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